I am trying to decide how honest to be. I guess I don't have much to lose and so far nothing but kindness has come from you all. So thank you. And sorry...and if you have something nasty to say, can you please wait a few more weeks? Thanks.
But let's talk about the kid first, I mean he is the reason behind all this madness.
Age: 38 weeks
Size: A freaking pumpkin is all. 18-20 inches, 6-9 lbs
Cool life events: Could [hopefully] have hair! Dropped and is "ready to go," causing abrupt bathroom runs. He has a room that is nearly finished! I have a few more details to put together and then I will show you, don't even worry.
Some of those nasty pregnancy things happened to me. This week. My feet are killing me, I feel like a whale, my tail bone hurts all the time and I have 'lightning crotch.' He dropped. Fast [I felt the clink in my pelvis]. He shredded my tummy and now my once perfect, beautiful belly is rank with ugly stretch marks, despite my devoted efforts to prevent such an event. I am just not letting myself think about getting into a swimsuit right now.
Oh yeah...right now I have a deep and true hatred for any female that has a waist. I cry at nothing and everything and am always hungry. It takes all my courage to out in public. I fake smile when people run up to me bouncing up and down asking if I am "SO excited?!?!?" No. I am grumpy. The comforting words of 'you can't imagine how PAINFUL childbirth is' echo in the back of my mind as I stop and breathe though contractions. I hate not being ready for things and "you can't prepare yourself for such pain" is always there to comfort me. I tell myself that other girls [who I think are much wimpier then I] did it. I try to kick into my competitive mode...but that seems to have left. I don't even remember how it feels to be competitive...until I see a 4 walking down the street, giving me a pity look. Then I want to pound her face in. And rip out her hair too. Or eat a taco.
My poor, sweet husband. Luckily he is taking it all in good humor and will burst out laughing at me when I am overly insane. He gives me permission to cry and even say's it's 'good' to be hormonal [haha]. I am hard to live with these days and feel bad. But then. THEN I remember that he is the one who got me into this in the first place and I don't feel bad. At all.
Am I ready?
I don't know.
Am I excited?
Yes. I keep his little socks and diapers in view. It helps to think about his little bum.
Some good news?
I can still wear all my shoes and wedding ring...I guess that is impressive, at least that is what people say.
Yeah. Mostly because I don't know what is going to happen. In general pain does not freak me out. Not being ready does.
Do you think you will have him this week?
Will you have a birth photographer?
No. That is weird to me. My sister will come take some photos soon after he is born.
Who will be in the room when he comes out?
Rowan and my mom.
Are you dilated?
I am refusing checks. I don't want to know. This is a mental trip and not knowing gives me more chance of living as well and normally as I can. He will come and I want it to be when he and my body are ready. I am preparing myself for 2 weeks late. Despite the bed rest scare.
Please post GOOD birth stories or 'it was not as bad as I thought it would be' comments! I would love them and I know of a few expecting mum readers who would find them encouraging too!
Love you guys,